Watchmen - March 6 - Everyone and their grandma wants to see this movie and I don’t blame them. From the director of 300 comes a movie that’s way better, look out for my full review.
Race to Witch Mountain – March 13 – Dwayne Johnson continues to play it safe with his movie career. Seriously, the man should be a star already but it’s movies like this that keep him down. From the director of The Game Plan comes a “reimagining” of the 1975 Disney film Escape to Witch Mountain. After the spirit-crushing Watchmen this is the movie people will use to pick themselves up.
Duplicity – March 20 – Clive Owen and Julia Roberts star in director Tony Gilory’s second film (his first being Michael Clayton). The movie is a mix between romantic-comedy and a heist film. Early word says that the two leads are great together but it is Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti who steal the show as rival CEOs.
I Love You, Man – March 20 – Paul Rudd and Jason Segal step away from the Apatow name and make their own average rated R comedy. Comedic highlight is a small role by Jon Favreau.
Knowing – March 20 – Alex Proyas is a director I want to like but after I, Robot and now this I can’t defend a man who has turned himself into a journeyman. Nicholas Cage stars in another end of the world thriller, I’m sure this movie will make its’ money back on DVD rentals.
Monsters vs. Aliens – March 27 – From DreamWorks Animation comes a kid’s movie that just looks okay. DreamWorks isn’t out to best Pixar, and looks as if all they want to do is entertain, one hopes the 3-D film can deliver. The film will also be shown in IMAX.
12 Rounds – March 27 – Director Renny Harlin returns to what he does best; cheap action films. Starring professional wrestler John Cena as a cop in race against time to save his wife. This looks like the kind film I loved when I was eleven years old. I’m hoping this movie will the be the good kind of stupid.
Adventureland – April 3 – From the director of Superbad comes a movie that’s nothing like it. Early reviews indicate we’ll be getting a Dazed and Confused for a new generation and not just another Waiting…
Fast & Furious – April 3 – The original cast from the first film return for the fourth entry in the “cars that go fast” franchise. Shouldn’t have this been the first sequel instead of needless second and third films? Here’s to wishing John Ortiz has fun with his role as the bad guy.
Dragonball Evolution – April 8 – Holy crap this looks like crap! This doesn’t even look like the “so bad it’s good” kind of entertaining. The only good that can come out of this is that the movie will teach fans how lame they are for liking such a stupid franchise.
Observe and Report – April 10 – Easily one of my most anticipated movies of the year. Director Jody Hill is making a name for himself in the “pitch black dark comedy” genre. Seth Rogen stars as a mall cop on the trail of a flasher. Michael Pena looks amazing as Rogen’s partner.
Crank: High Voltage – April 17 – Sequel to the 2006 action film. I think you already know whether you’re watching this movie or not. I wasn’t fan of the first film but High Voltage looks so wild and insane which is what the sequel needs to be. Apparently shot on a $12 million dollar budget the filmmakers make no effort to hide the cheapness. Tasteless, cheap, nasty, excessive, foul-mouthed but looks like a helluva fun time at the theatres.
The Soloist – April 24 – Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx star in this drama about a LA Times columnist who discovers a homeless violinist. Looks like the run-of-the-mill type movie that everyone will enjoy. I have absolutely no desire to see this.
The Informers – April 24 – Based on the book by Bret Easton Ellis (yes, the same guy who wrote American Psycho). The film features an ensemble cast that includes Billy Bob Thornton, Winona Ryder, Kim Basinger, and Mickey Rourke. If you ever needed a movie to tell you the 80s sucked this is it.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine – May 1– Here it is, the start of the summer blockbuster. Hugh Jackman returns as everyones’ favorite X-man. Fans of the character have been waiting their whole lives for a movie like this. The only guarantee is that the movie will be least embarrassing installment of the X-men franchise.
Star Trek – May 8 – JJ Abrams does his take on the defunct Sci-Fi franchise. I’m sure fans will appreciate the effort but will audiences make this movie a hit? When viewing the trailer all I get is Lost in Space flashbacks and that movie had Gary Oldman.
Angels & Demons – May 15 – Ron Howard and Tom Hanks return on the quest to make more money. Based on the novel by Dan Brown, only morons will think this movie is worth an inkling of importance. I’m just wondering if any one will take Tom Hanks parachuting seriously.
Terminator: Salvation – May 22 – At first I thought, “do we need another terminator movie?” Then I realized when I was a kid, isn’t this exactly the kind of movie I wanted out of the terminator franchise? (Wouldn’t it be cool if that beginning scene from Terminator 2 was a whole movie?) I think this will be the movie of the summer; it’s going to surprise everyone. Even though we all love Christian Bale, it’ll be the performance by Sam Worthington that we’ll remember.
The Brothers Bloom – May 29 – Rian Johnson director of the brilliant Brick, brings us his sophomore effort that looks like a cross between a Wes Anderson film and a 1960s heist movie. Really looking forward to this one, with an awesome pairing of Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody, how couldn’t you?
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian – May 22 – Ugh.
Drag Me to Hell – May 29 – Director Sam Raimi returns to form after the disappointing Spider-man 3. Going back the genre that made us all fans of his in the first place.
Up – May 29 – Pixar never disappoints.
Land of the Lost – June 5 – Based on the 1974 television series. Looks like the only good to come out of this will be more exposure for Danny McBride.
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 – June 12 – A remake of the underappreciated 1974 action thriller starring Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. In Tony Scott’s update we get Denzel Washington head to head against John Travolta and his ridiculous handlebar mustache.
Year One – June 19 – The Apatow produced, Harold Ramis directed take on biblical times is shaping up to be the modern Life of Brian. Jack Black and Michael Cera star as “hunters” walking around and encountering events from the bible.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – June 24 – Yep, looks exactly like what we would expect a sequel to Transformers would look like. More robots, more explosions, more LaBeouf, couldn’t ask for anything more or anything less.
The Hurt Locker – June 26 – Really hoping people pay attention to this one. Kathryn Bigelow director of Point Break comes back to making movies after a nearly 7 year hiatus. Word from reviews is this is the Iraq war movie. I just hope it hasn’t come to late.
Public Enemies – July 1 – Michael Mann directing a 1930s gangster film starring Johnny Depp, two words…Holy Sh**! Easily my most anticipated film of the summer. The only complaint is Mann’s insistence on shooting digital giving the film an odd look.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – July 24 – Yeah I don’t care.
Funny People – July 31 – Judd Apatow’s third film looks to pushing the more emotional side that each of his films only hinted at. It’s obvious we wants us to care about the characters, let’s just see if he can pull off the drama and comedy.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – August 7 – From the director of Van Helsing and The Mummy Returns comes a movie that looks exactly like either of those. If the movie can do the basic job of just entertainment, I’ll be surprised.
Inglourious Basterds – August 21 – Tarantino’s seventh film looks all kinds of amazing. Directly referencing such films as The Dirty Dozen, Cross of Iron, and Inglorious Bastards, this looks like the exploitation war film people actually want to see.
Where the Wild Things Are – Oct 16 – Spike Jonze is delivering a challenging film, one that will not be easily digested by everyone. This isn’t going to be your average kiddy crap; Jonze is delivering something special, something worth the long wait.
The Wolfman – Nov 6 – Disappointing when you consider the original director for this was Mark Romanek (One Hour Photo). But with Benico Del Toro as the wolfman himself and make-up effects by the legendary Rick Baker, let’s see if this movie is anything but cookie-cutter.
Avatar – Dec 18 – I know close to nothing about this movie. But James Cameron back to the big screen is cause for celebration for movies geeks anywhere. Cameron is still following the foolish attempt to convince people into the 3D and CGI gimmicks (Beowulf anybody?). God, I hope this movie doesn’t suck.
Sherlock Holmes - Dec. 25 - Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes! I need to see this movie yesterday.
11 comments
Then you just seem to go off and list all the movies you DONT want to see, and talk about how horrible they all are. Sad really.