Why do people commit to a relationship? A good relationship takes time to nurture. If you don’t water the plant, it dies. If you water, fertilize and put in the sun, it will blossom. Relationships are work, but are they worth it?
The problem is people are busier than ever and don’t make time to grow their relationships. And relationships require daily attention, from the little things to the tragedies.
With that in mind, relationships come equipped with advantages and disadvantages.
Advantages include love, respect and security. The one person who will listen to you go on about the crazy lady who cut you off on the freeway. Whether you go out or stay home, you’re not alone. Someone who cares enough to ask how your day has gone. This person makes you feel like you are the key to their happiness, and is the willing recipient of your affection. The security that if the world turned its back on you, there would be one person who still had your back.
Disadvantages include disappointment and betrayal. The above expectations are high for any one person. People can’t read minds and relationships get into trouble when one doesn’t get the expected reaction from their partner. Unmet expectations are caused by lack of communication. Vague statements such as, “I want you to care about me” do not communicate anything useful. Focus in on what you really want, and be more specific. Let them know when they did something nice instead of pointing out everything they did wrong. Remember, people are not mind readers. Maybe we will have the technology in the future, but for now, we still have to use our words.
I want to hear from you. What’s something your partner has done that showed you they cared? Does your partner meet your expectations?
I have ended a relationship because my partner did not meet my expectations
- Yes (71%, 5 Votes)
- No (29%, 2 Votes)
Total Voters: 7
Loading ...
I don’t know if anyone can ever meet another person’s expectations. I know I certainly have never been able to do that. I know someone who got two dozen roses, two dozen chocolate covered strawberries, and a poem from her husband for Valentine’s Day. It was exactly what she expected because she told him exactly what she wanted. For me, that would be horribly disappointing. I’d want him to surprise me with something unexpected. For me, roses and chocolates just say, “The advertisements all around me tell me that this is what every woman wants, and I figure you are just like every other woman, so this must be what you want.” I prefer live plants to cut flowers, for one thing. Best Valentine gift? I remember a boyfriend who gave me a box of assorted, seemingly random items, but each had a little handwritten note attached. The crayons said, “You color my world.” I don’t remember all the other things. This was almost 30 years ago. What I remember was how much fun it was to explore the box and laugh together and how much thought and creativity he had put into it. I think the problem with expectations is that they are extremely individual, and yet we expect everyone else to like what we like, and therefore, to know what we want.
For me, it’s the little acts of kindness that matter. The simple, daily activities that show respect & care. My husband shows that he cares by muting or shutting off the TV when I’m talking to him … by saying thank you for breakfast … by not texting at the dinner table … and even putting the seat down on the toilet (that’s a biggie.) But at the top of my list, is being able to trust that when he speaks about me to others, he will do so with kindness & love.
Kindness matters. Mean hurts.
It seems that our culture has mastered the “fine art” of degrading & demeaning others. We’re surrounded by and applaud the quick tongued retort, laugh at the witty cut, and are indoctrinated in meanness … and sadly, it gets practiced on those we love the most. I’m so thankful my husband has not “bought into” this hurtful philosophy.
I find great comfort and security in knowing that when my husband is speaking of me to others that he’s going to speak kindly… not harp on the fact that I was grumpy before my coffee or snapped at him when I was trying to figure out how to send paperless invoices to my clients.
How does he show he cares? With simply acts of kindness which have far surpassed my expectations.
I see some friends once a year and some more often. My friends are friends due to a shared trust and respect. We nourish each other with thoughts, prayers and a note on facebook, email, text, or card every so often. We look forward to seeing each other in person and are there for each other during the highs and lows in life. Relationships die due to betrayal, lack of nourishment, change in interests, change in locations, new job, change in family dynamics or other reasons. Relationships come and go but it IS important to have friends and family that carefully hold your heart.
Sandy,
I love your use of the word “nourish” for friendships! So true!! And you’re right, it’s healthy to recognize that relationships change for so many reasons but at the core of every good relationship is trust & respect. Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed hearing your perspective.
Rene’